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// At last, my love has come along // [entries|friends|calendar]
Mandy Brocklehurst

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September 5th, 1998 [Friday, December 5th, 2003
@ 11:45pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

It's a little bit... odd to realise that I'm not at Hogwarts this year.

More than a little, actually. After all, after seven years of riding the train, settling into life around the castle, going to lessons... It takes a bit of getting used to to be doing something other than that.

...These past few months have taken a bit of getting used to. So much has changed... People have come, people have gone... It's been a difficult ride, to say the least.

But I'm hanging on.

1 Decision|Make Up Your Mind

August 4th, 1998 [Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
@ 10:23pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Well. This past week and a half has been quite the experience... It'll definitely take some getting used to, but I have all the time on the world to accomplish that. :)

..Things couldn't be better.

Owl to Lisa TurpinCollapse )

Make Up Your Mind

Owl Post [Saturday, October 25th, 2003
@ 2:59pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Owl to Hannah AbbottCollapse )

Owl to Steven CornfootCollapse )

1 Decision|Make Up Your Mind

July 15th, 1998 [Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
@ 11:00pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Well.

Received news this afternoon from my mother and my step-father that informed me that I was now a big sister. Oh the joy (note the sarcasm). Mother gave birth to twin girls Monday, and called them Kathleen Dianne (Katie, for short), and Shavonne Adele. Nice mix of Irish and French names... for both James' background, and hers, I'm assuming.

But... ack. I don't want little sisters. I didn't want any more brothers, either, but look where that got me! Three of them! All older!

...It does no good to be whining, really. It can't be helped. Even though my mother is almost forty-five and should not be having more children...

She told me once she only wanted one. And now, she's got four. Or had four, if you take Max into account.

...And the worse part it, they're all coming here later on in the summer. Mother, James, Stephen, Dan, Gallagher, the twins. All of them.

Thank Merlin I won't be living at home anymore.

Make Up Your Mind

July 11th, 1998 [Saturday, October 11th, 2003
@ 11:05pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Owl to Steven CornfootCollapse )

Make Up Your Mind

Ju;y 6th, 1998 [Monday, October 6th, 2003
@ 10:42pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Oh my God.

I have no idea where to begin things. It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to just… sit down and write.

But I suppose I have some time now. I’m currently at my cousin’s flat, somewhere in the middle of London (I was never really told where…). Marianne met me at the station and drove me here (she drives like one of those race car drivers! I thought we were honestly going to crash through the side of a building, or something!). She tried to make conversation with me, but my heart just wasn’t in it today. After all, I really want to go home, and Steven is on the other side of town…I haven’t been separated from him like this since… since, well, ever… Save the times when we were arguing, of course, but…

Did I mention that he’s asked me to move in with him? Well, he did, and I still can’t believe it… He asked me after we arrived back in London, after the train ride back. I was completely not expecting it. I mean, we had talked about it, way back in February or March, but I never thought…. And he’s got a flat in Manchester! I won’t have to leave home! I mean, I’d go anywhere he wants to go, but knowing that he wants to move to a city I don’t think he’s even been to before… That means a lot. More than I can ever say, that’s for sure. Gods, I love him…

…I think I’m going to have to take a break from writing, despite having only barely started. My head is throbbing like crazy, probably because I keep staring at the paper, deciding what to write next.

The bandage comes off next week. I cannot express how happy and relieved I am over that… Finally, things’ll begin to head back to normal… I still have trouble speaking, as I stutter and I get word blocks… It annoys me so much, because I’ve never had trouble with my speech in my life and now I have to adjust to this, and it’s just so… hard.

But things are going to get better. I’ll heal. I’ll get to go back home (even though I’ll have to deal with my mother and all the family… ugh). I’ll get used to life without my father (even though I know that’s not going to be easy. Not by a long shot).

But the best part… Steven will be with me every step of the way from now on. And there are no words for me to describe that feeling with. And... I know it might sound cliche or whatever... but it's true.

Make Up Your Mind

June 5th, 1998 [Friday, September 5th, 2003
@ 11:22pm]
[ mood | devestated ]

This has all got to be a bad dream. It simply has to be.

Because I will wake up tomorrow and go down to St. Mungo's and be able to visit my father. In his hospital room. He'll still be alive.

...

Oh, who am I kidding?

This is no dream.

Daddy, why did you have to leave me?

Make Up Your Mind

May 25th, 1998 [Monday, August 25th, 2003
@ 8:03pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I went to St. Mungo's today, to see if my father had made any progress. I didn't tell anyone, as I know someone would've tried to stop me from going.

He hasn't made any progress. He's exactly the same way he was when they found him all the way back in November. That was six months ago. Six.

The doctors have even said that they thought he was worse off than before. What have they been doing to him all this time, then?

And the worse part... They have said he's not going to live.

...

It's not true. It's not true. My father is. Not. Dying.

Make Up Your Mind

May 19th, 1998 [Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
@ 3:18pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

So. I have been eighteen for a grand total of two days. To be honest, it really doesn't feel any different than three days ago, when I was still seventeen.

N.E.W.T's are coming up. In such a short time. Days. Ah! Can you say "mad panic?" ...Ack! Where are my Transfiguration notes?!? Kevin better not have "borrowed" them again...

I need to calm down. Yes. I do. But I can't! The biggest set of exams in my life have to be written soon!! I can't calm down! Not now!

And I'm expecting letters from the various places I applied to go to after Hogwarts soon, which is not helping things. Nope.

Or my upcoming trip. Argh! Too. Much. Stress. Need to calm down.

Where is Steven when I need him?

Make Up Your Mind

May 10th, 1998 [Sunday, August 10th, 2003
@ 7:22pm]
[ mood | numb ]

It's been a couple of days since we all found out who killed Su, but I don't think the news has sunk in yet.

Sally Ann Perks.

One of the last people I would've thought who had that kind of a side to her. But then again, it's always the ones you least suspect, right?

And Su was there. As a ghost. Speechless. That was really creepy, seeing one of your friends in that state.

And... I was going to mention something else, but I can't remember what it was anymore. Haven't though much about anything else other than revising and Sally's confession these past couple days.

Except that my eighteen birthday is in a week and I really couldn't care less.

Make Up Your Mind

May 5th, 1998 [Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
@ 6:43pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Lisa looks like she's about to burst. This means she knows something the rest of us do not. This is not a good thing. Merlin only knows what information she's neglecting to tell the rest of us...

And try as I might, she refuses to say anything to me. Even though she was about to, a couple times. Muttered something about Kevin, I think.

Oh, speaking of Kevin... It's his birthday today, I think. Hopefully he can manage to arise from the stupor he's in to celebrate, or smile, or laugh, or something. Even if only a little.

Make Up Your Mind

April 26th, 1998 [Saturday, July 26th, 2003
@ 11:04pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I feel like someone has scooped out my insides and just left the outer shell to exist. That’s what I’ve been reduced to these past couple days. I put myself through the motions of an everyday school day, but I don’t think about any of it. In doing so, I walk to the wrong class, forget I have a free period, try and go and get lunch when it’s only ten am…

But can you blame me?

There has been another death. Another murder. Just as horrible (if not more so) as Jasper’s.

Su is dead. One of my friends, someone I’ve shared a room with since I was eleven is dead. I have the hardest time accepting that. I refuse to. I still expect her to walk in the dormitory any minute and start talking about ways to approach Professor Warrington to get more help in Defence, or about Kevin, or about Quidditch. About something. Anything. But she won’t. I won’t see her ever again.

Ever.

Make Up Your Mind

April 20th, 1998 [Sunday, July 20th, 2003
@ 11:11pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

Finally got an owl back from my mother after a bloody month of waiting. She says she "forgot" to write back sooner. I'm sure. She conveniently forgets to write her daughter back about a topic that should be (although I'm sure it's not) a top priority for her. She could die for Merlin's sake. And she's not even worried?

Sometimes I wonder if the two of us are related at all.

She also wrote news of the baby. She's due the day before I arrive in Montreal, now. And, like I feared, it is twins. She's thrilled that I'll get to see them just as soon as they're born. Oh, Merlin. I can't get used to the idea of Mother having a child at her age, but two? Is there some all mighty being out there trying to punish me even more? I just got three step-brothers (one whom I've yet to even meet). Now I have to get two more siblings? Ones that will be eighteen years younger than me by the time they're born?

Why did my parents have to get divorced, anyway? Life would've been much more simpler.

Something else happened the other day that I wish never did. Lisa caught Steven and I... Well, let us say that we were rather involved with each other. Oh, Merlin. I can't believe she knows. I hope she won't say anything. She's not one for gossip, but with Lisa, you just never know what she'll do.

Make Up Your Mind

April 13th, 1998 [Sunday, July 13th, 2003
@ 8:50pm]
[ mood | morose ]

Got a hold of a copy of The Daily Prophet from Lisa, and the front page story was news telling that the Minister of Magic had been attacked by Dementors and was now dead.

Dead. Sweet Merlin. Another one. Will this never end?

Make Up Your Mind

April 4th, 1998 [Friday, July 4th, 2003
@ 10:28pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Well.

A Death Eater made an appearance at school. Dueled (from what I heard) with Professor Warrington. Kidnapped that Hospital Wing nurse.

...

That the hell is wrong with this place? It's supposed to be safe. It's the only place I'm really felt safe in. But, after hearing about that little... incident, that idea is likely to be shot. I mean, if one Death Eater can get through the barriers surrounding that easily, what's to stop a bunch from getting in? I'm sure it can be managed.

And that thought frightens me. A lot. If that happens, Merlin only knows what'll happen to all of us. We're no match for full fledged Death Eaters. Especially if there's a lot of them present.

I think I'm beginning to understand why Steven wants out after this year. Things like this just don't happen in the Muggle world. Well, not to this extent, at least. But even if I do completely understand his reasons, I know I'll never be able to do that. Leave. I have ties to this world that I can't ever let go of, no matter how much turmoil is happening.

And I suppose I should be off to some more revising, but it's getting more and more difficult to concentrate, what with everything that's happened lately.

Make Up Your Mind

March 28th, 2003 [Saturday, June 28th, 2003
@ 8:35pm]
[ mood | scared ]

It's been a couple days since we were all told about the death of that Hufflepuff boy, Jasper, and I don't think the news has really sunk in for me yet.

I didn't know the bloke at all, but that really doesn't matter. The fact that he was killed here, at Hogwarts, so... - for lack of a better word - easily, is what scares me.

Just how secure is this place anymore?

Make Up Your Mind

March 19th, 1998 [Thursday, June 19th, 2003
@ 8:23pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Well, it's been almost two weeks, and still no sign of my necklace. Have just about given up all hope that I'll find it again. I hope whoever has it enjoys it.

I don't even know why I'm making such a fuss over it anymore. Really. I can always replace it, even though the copy won't have nearly as much value (sentimental wise) as the original.

And I really shouldn't be writing, unless it NEWT's related. Only a couple months left until I've got to write them. There's just so much we have to know for them, Merlin. Will be quite glad once they're over, needless to say.

Haven't heard from Mother yet. Am getting rather worried. Is she taking my warning seriously at all?

Make Up Your Mind

March 13th, 1998 [Friday, June 13th, 2003
@ 11:59pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Well, I wrote Mother today. Hopefully, she'll take my warning seriously. But then again, she's always done things her own way, regardless of what I might think. Honestly. It sometimes feels like I'm the mother, and she's the daughter.

Am also rather terrified that I'll get an owl from Jake. He knows even more about my Mother and her people than my grandmother does, do the fact that I told him just about everything when I was going with him for those couple years.

Have not told Steven about any of this yet. Perhaps I should.

And am rather annoyed by the fact that Lisa has been avoiding me like the plague these past few days. What is up with that? What did I do?

Bah. She's supposed to be my best friend, but lately we barely talk to each other. I see her in class, occasionally at meals and she comes up to the dorms later than I do at night. That's it.

Make Up Your Mind

March 10th, 1998 [Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
@ 11:06pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Sweet, honourable Merlin.

I went into Hogsmeade over the weekend, to visit my father again, and who should I see at St. Mungo's but my grandmother. My father's mother. Death Eater. God only knows how she found out how my father was there (or why she was there in the first place), but I ran into her (almost literally) when I was heading into his room, and when she was coming out.

And the look on her face when she saw me... I get shivers just thinking about it. And her words... I must have at least three or four inches on her, but she made me feel like I was two feet tall. And she actually had me defending my mother, of all people.

So, she knows of my existence now. After almost eighteen years. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I know what power her side of the family - Dad's side of the family - has and what they're capable of doing with it. If they ever get wind of where my mother is... All of them - Mother, Frank, Dan, Gallagher, Stephen and the babies, when they're born - are in serious trouble. They're Muggles. And foreign-born. And white. Three things stacked highly against them. I wouldn't put it past my grandmother (or the aunts, uncles and cousins I've got, for that matter) to do something horrible to them. It hasn't stopped them before.

I'm going to have to write Mother and tell her. I've got to at least warn her about her former mother-in-law. She doesn't know as much as I do about her.

Make Up Your Mind

March 2nd, 1998 [Monday, June 2nd, 2003
@ 10:00pm]
[ mood | worried ]

My necklace is missing. Oh, lord. This can't be happening. I can't have lost that. I just can't have.

That necklace is the last memory I've got of when my family was still together. My brother gave it to me. Lord...

I never take it off, never. Actually... scratch that. I have. Three times. And I lost it the first time I did so, last year. Got it back after a few days, though. These other two times...

It has to be in Steven's dorm, then. But... the clasp might've just broke and it could have come off Merlin knows where...

This is ridiculous. I'm going mad over a missing necklace.

I'll ask around and see if anyone has seen it. Someone must have.

Make Up Your Mind

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